Life, as we know it.

Sometimes, not often, I want to just zone out and forget about everything going on in my head. It's virtually impossible to do because there is so much there. I feel like life gets crazy every once in a while and I feel like I have no direction. I have no shame in admitting that I don't know what I'm doing with my life sometimes. Lately I've been learning so much from the people I've been around that it makes me wonder how many more people there are in this world that I can learn from. Sometimes I feel like I should apologize for my feelings, but I know I can't control them. I just feel like there is something missing from my life and I cannot pinpoint what it is. Some days I feel this emptiness that eats away at my insides but I have no idea why. Maybe soon I'll figure it out, but life is about the journey, so maybe feeling uncomfortable is a good thing because it will keep me moving.

mental note

love the life you live.
never take for granted what you have.
love the ones who care for you most.
take care of what is dear to you.

Put in more than you could ever get out

Life is busy busy busy. I am always either at school or doing something school related. It's okay though, I guess that's my "job" for now. I really am hoping to do some sort of study abroad program this summer. There is a newish program where you do volunteer work for the first 2 weeks and you travel & do other touristy things for the second 2 weeks. Some of the volunteer things are building houses for families, sea turtle conservation, elephant conservation, and a lot of other awesome things. I'm definitely interested in all of those things & I think it would be an all around great opportunity. I have really been missing my family lately. I really really want to see Ella. I don't want to miss important things in her life. I wish I could see her at least once a week. It feels like everytime I go she has grown so much!

<3

I do not exist, I faithfully insist.

Life is so crazy, especially lately. Things sometimes happen in life that we can't explain and can't find the reason for at the time. It's so hard to make sense out of events that seem too terrible to really be happening. But with that said, life really is an amazing journey that we should never take for granted.

Several of my friends recently lost someone that was very dear to them. Their dear friend Tyler committed suicide this week. Typing that sentence just feels weird and makes my stomach churn in a terrible way. When things like this happen it really shows us that all you can do is pray for the ones you love and hope and have faith that they make it through this terrible time without any "permanent scars." It really really breaks my heart that this person my age had to go through this. But I know he is in a better place and is probably more at peace than he ever was before. My heart just really goes out to Tyler's family & friends right now. And from what I've been told he was a really pure, good person which makes it all the much harder.

Also, recently my brother-in-law's sister, Jill, birthed a beautiful baby girl, Whitney. Whitney was born very premature and is really having to go through a lot but is such a little fighter. Jill and her husband Ben constantly amaze me with their strength during this time. I think having to go through this is going to make them who they really are. God has a plan for them and their little angel and if anybody deserves this baby and can give it the care it needs, it is them.

I hope anyone who reads this is embracing life for all that it is because it's truly amazing, as I learn daily. I find more joy right now in something that I never would have expected I would. I have a 7 month old niece and she is the light of my life. I can't explain how having her in my life makes me feel. Her being here has honestly changed my life and the lives of many of the people I love. My sister and her husband Brad are truly the most amazing parents Ella could have and seeing that brings me so much happiness. I really have the most amazing sister in the world who is going to raise the most amazing little person :) I have no doubt that Ella is going to be something amazing one day. Having a baby in your life can really put things into perspective. She is just this little ball of life that is always happy and smiling and is just so innocent. It gives me hope that there is still goodness in people.

<3

blog blog blog

I decided I would make this blog. Mainly so my sister can read it. :) I don't think mine will be anywhere near as good as hers though because she gets to post pictures of my sweet baby niece, Ella (who is in this picture to your left).